scabbed garden

i wish you didn’t have to come
and see me this way:

broken down
harvesting the flowers
in my arms,
my hips,
my legs, where no one can see.

but you see me here
bleeding, battered, 
no longer in bloom.

i drop my gardening shears,
soaked in the dirt from my stems,
from the flowers i sliced myself,
brutally beaten, unfertilized
from what the doctors prescribed.

no vase can contain these flowers.
these terrible, forgotten flowers
will see no more sunlight.

i water the freshly cut
with the dehydrating salt
of my tears,
the cotton of your shirt 
now stained.

flowers in a vase,
the kind you can’t see through,
no stems to view
the pain, obscured
by the ribbon of a happy smile.

underneath they heal,
waiting only to be cut
again.

you want to take the shears,
but you cannot remove
the broken open scabs,
the now empty holes,
flowerless.

you can lead away my hand
but cannot erase the scars
in the garden where i sit,
in the garden where i stay,
blanketed by the arid scent of 
flowering decay.

Hannah Levengood

I am a double major in Art Education and Art History with minors in drawing and painting. My poem, “scabbed garden,” puts into words my previous struggles with self harm. I share this work as an act of vulnerability and as an homage to those who helped me remain here today. My work Domestic Bliss 1 exists within a body of work exploring the roles played by women within midwestern, domestic households. The work intends to confront the expectations placed around the female identity while championing matriarchal figures in the home and confronting the societally accepted entrapment and abuse of said figures. Utilization of imagery associated with femininity as reference to a sacred architectural structure alludes to the matriarchal identity as playing an essential role in the midwestern household. Spill My Guts exists as a confrontation of the female form as used traditionally in the art history canon to bring awareness to the abuse inflicted upon women based on their gender. The figure, seen in the relaxed, reclining nude position, is presented similarly to that of roadkill, which society chooses to drive past and ignore. The duality of her image forces the audience to acknowledge violence against women head on, despite their disposition to avoid the topic.